[A store counter with a cash register and a hanging banner. Edward, the pirate Blackbeard, lit fuses smoking under his hat, stands at the counter with Pepé the parrot, who wears an eye patch, on his shoulder. A bottle of rum sits on the counter. A young clerk in a blue shirt faces him.]

Label: BILLY BONES RUM

Clerk: I need to see some identification, sir.

Edward: Tell him who I be, bird.

Pepé: Squaaawk! He's Edward Teach, alias Blackbeard!

[The clerk reaches toward the bottle.]

Clerk: No, sir. I need an actual legal form of I.D. in order to sell you alcohol.

[Edward glares over the counter. Pepé spreads his wings. The rum bottle tips over.]

Edward: What part of "Tell him who I be, bird" didn't ye understand?

[The clerk throws up his hands.]

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir! I just don't think the register will accept a talking bird!